My first bike ride after having my large intestine removed was a train wreck.

I could barely pedal because I didn’t know how to bend my body around my new fancy stoma hardware. The previously cushy seat of my trusty road bike was painful on my newly healed backside. I didn’t know how to get all my parts together and moving forward in a way that felt comfortable or natural.

May this movement stand the test of time. May the perseverance and power we learned in the mountains of Colorado seep into our world like cold mountain rain through a thin jersey. May the unity found in the gravel world stick to our hearts like the Cow Creek mud on a 42c tire. May the power to change our world overflow like the starting line of the 60-mile course. We are not spectators of our sport and we are not made to be spectators of our own lives. We didn’t come here to passively observe other riders and we should not passively observe what they are doing. Find something you believe in as much as you believe in riding. Find yourself some good people to storm the climb with. And before you realize it, you’re out of the saddle, swaying, pedaling with every ounce of strength you have. Do you know what that is, my friend?

Movement.

These days, I think of my ghosts as my invisible peloton…

If you could see us all tearing through the mountains of Colorado this August…we’d be a strange looking crew. And you’d feel welcome to ride along with us and invite your ghosts along as well. And your pain would be the same, but easier to handle because you weren’t in it alone.

That is what this team is all about. If you’re too scared to try, we want you to know that you are welcome here…no hesitations. If you’re already doing it and sometimes it feels like a little too much…we’re the people who will come along side to help you and keep it from being overwhelming.

After all, we’re all the same.

And we’re all on bikes.

I’m now understanding how size is the least accurate metric for the cyclist I’m trying to become. For once, I want to reveal my body’s capacity.

Size inclusivity has always been an issue for me and my time with cycling. I fell in love with cycling with a love for road racing and watching grand tours. I knew that I would never race any of them but damn, did I ever want to dress like them. It was a constant struggle in the beginning due to sizing, no aero-Euro-race fit would ever fit me and if it did, I looked like a human sausage casing.

I look forward to befriending myself once again.  I look forward to going out into the mountains, tearing up some gravel, and finding myself.  I want my leading lady energy back.

So I’m getting on my bike…and I’m coming for it.  I’d love for you to come along.  

I’m going to have to get used to being witnessed in extremity. Sweating. Cramping. Sucking air at sea level.